Pete NyblomPete Nyblomsongwriter / vocalist
By Ford Prefect
Note to the reader: This particularly long and boorish dissertation is much more enjoyable when read out loud with a Turkish accent in a public toilet.
Ever since the age of seven, when he was discovered by his mom fondling the breasts of a naked store mannequin, Pete has been fascinated by boobies. So, it’s no surprise that as he grew older, he decided to grow a pair of his own. Although often-times described as rakish, unkempt, hairy and brutish, Pete continues to maintain his effeminate side. This is evidenced by the scads of perverse writings he emails to anyone with a valid credit card number.
In high school, Pete was the butt of many a joke and taunt. It made him not only bitter, but embrace the ideals of Dungeons and Dragons, which he still plays today. Through the fantasy world created by Gary Gygax et al, Pete finally found a place where he could be accepted for what he was: a rakish unkempt hairy brute unwilling to string more than three sentences together without monetary compensation.
As his teenage years faded, so did his resolve to pursue his life long dream… to become a rakish, unkempt, clean shaven brute. So, with a heavy heart and rusty razor, he dived headfirst into a career of blathering non-sequitors and assaulting the senses of anyone who had even an elementary grasp of the English language. Luckily he did this over the public airwaves on insignificant radio stations that only farmers and goat humpers listened to. They rarely contested his stumbling and far-fetched idioms.
Despite all the lurid comments made by bikers at the local bar, Pete finally did get married and after several thousand attempts, begat offspring. However, in a crushing blow to his ego, his wife demanded that she bear the child.
Aidan, who, at the time of this writing is 7 yrs old, is one of the most intelligent kids running around. The first indication of this was when, at the age of 3, he began to totally disregard anything Pete said. A strategy employed by his close friends, relatives, ISP’s and most importantly, his wife. Oddly enough, in a cruel, but deserved twist of irony, his unending string of bosses seem to reverse this strategy.
During his short and crusty stay on this miserable little backwater planet, Pete has, from time to time, dabbled in musical ventures with vastly superior beings (such as Phil). As a testament to the fact that hypnotism really does work, you’ll notice his name appears as co-conspirator to several compositions on this site.
Note to the now very BORED reader: See what I meant about the accent and toilet thing?